We hear it ALL the time.
Love your body campaigns. "Be yourself" posters plastered over the walls of every 13 year old girl's room in the nation. When song lyrics take a break from sex and drinking, they often speak of self acceptance. You can't get away from it.
In my residence hall, a group of students meet every week to plan fun events and talk about issues. They're known as our "hall government." Last week, we started off the meeting by going around the circle we sat in saying three positive things about ourselves. Some people knew immediately their three choices, others took a moment to contemplate. Some couldn't come up with three.
At the end of the activity, our lovely Hall president Nicole acknowledged how difficult it can be to say three positive things about yourself out loud in front of your peers. She's totally right. We live in a world where it is SO hard to acknowledge your own good in front of other people.
I took a moment to contemplate mine, but only because I had a hard time narrowing down the things I love about myself. I embody creativity. I bring amusement wherever I go, and contagious energy. But when it comes to being "outgoing," I'd choose hearing one person's life story over superficial small talk with ten people. And I'm not afraid to talk about passions and fears and cynicism with people I've just met. I have a wild, fiery mane, and I love it. I am as genuine as they come. I'd do anything for anyone I'd call a friend. I'd sooner die than back down from my beliefs.
But in this society, if I say these things, I'm "arrogant," not "confident." I've often wondered how to tell the difference between the two, and I've come to this conclusion: if you can recognize your flaws and not feel superior, you're just confident.
I definitely think that photoshopped pictures on magazine covers and fad diets contribute to the self-esteem problem these days, but it seems like most self esteem campaigns focus on those things alone. And to be honest, I'm not a fan of most of said campaigns. They're usually cheesy, and they don't really hit the nail on the head.
The problem with self esteem is that it's become the norm to have low self esteem. When you try to go outside the norm, people find a way to crush you back into it. Arrogant, conceited, full-of-it, whatever you want to call it, we've not only made it normal to not feel good about yourself if you don't look or act like a model. We've made it normal to cut people down who DO feel good about themselves.
There's also a lot of pressure in these campaigns to "love your flaws." You don't need to do that to feel good about yourself. I think people are confusing "quirks" with "flaws" here. Just because I don't wear makeup to cover my acne, doesn't mean I love having screaming pink blemishes covering my cheeks. I just don't worry about it. I'm often moody and irrational to an extreme, and just because that's common for people who have vaginas, doesn't mean I should love my angry outbursts or over-dramatic crying spells. I shouldn't even be "okay" with it, it's just understanding that it doesn't make me a bad person.
I hope people learn that they shouldn't be working on loving themselves because Adele and Lady Gaga are doing it. People should be doing it in retaliation against a world that pretends to promote self-esteem, but labels people as "arrogant" when they actually have it. And please remember that loving oneself doesn't mean you need to think your vices are okay, because they're not. But we all have them and don't need to lose sleep over them. Let's make a world where we don't need cheesy campaigns to feel good about ourselves, because confidence is a trend.
